Sasha Vujacic Part 1: sashavujacic18.com

Disclaimer: First off, before I even delve into the complex subject of Sasha Vujacic/European doucheyness/xenophobia/homosexuality I want it to be known that whether Sasha is gay/peculiarly European it makes no difference to me, nor should it to you, for we are all god's children--even Europeans and especially Slovenians.

Just off the top of your head make a list of controversial/polarizing players in the NBA mine goes something like this: Allen Iverson, Dennis Rodman, Tim Hardaway, Latrell Sprewell, Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant, Rasheed Wallace and Sasha Vujacic? Yes, Sasha Vujacic. Hell, Sasha is even polarizing among Laker fans. Up until this season and more specifically the playoffs Sasha was one of my favorite Lakers. No one in the league is like Sasha. You could say I was charmed by his boyish good looks and charm, his Andrew W.K. like hair and beard, his manscaped eyebrows, his European tennis player/Argentinian basketball player head band, his lack of conscience in shot selection, and his pesky yet completely ineffective defensive efforts. Although I still enjoy many of these aspects of the being we call Sasha, what I really do not enjoy is his 26.4 FG% in this years playoffs. This field goal % has magically taken all of his other likable traits (pros) and transformed them into cons. These now apparent cons have forced me to view Sasha in a different light. For a good three years I gave Sasha, and the Lakers, a free pass as to why Sasha was the way he is, but I can no longer accept the enigma that is Sasha Vujacic. I must quench this thirst and figure out why Sasha Vujacic is this way. Is he just a douchey generic European that, us Americans, just can't understand? Does he have some sort of autism where he cannot effectively communicate with the outside world, which also limits his ability to filter his shot selection? or to quote my mother is he just "metro-gay?" (which there is nothing wrong with to me or my mother who considers my brother "metro-gay")

Nevertheless, with all these questions posed, I still enjoy Sasha, so much so, that I actually checked out his new website, http://sashavujacic18.com/ something I rarely do for any professional athlete. While perusing over the site I was enamored by how completely silly it was. So silly that I actually started to question if the site was a joke, but rest assured I did the necessary research and this is actually his official site. The site itself is incredibly professional in appearance, however, the content of the site is hilarious. I dare not go into detail and ruin the precious nuggets of comedic gold that await you in your quest of mining Sasha's site. I do, however, strongly recommend checking out the PHOTO and VIDEO sections. Below are a few of my favorite photos taken from the site:



After looking over the complete site I couldn't help but believe that there was something more to Sasha's happy go lucky European feel. Something that I need to address, which I will do in Sasha Vujacic Part 2: The Man, The Myth, The Giant European Douche Who I Still Adore.

5 OBSERVATIONS FROM THE VEGAS SUMMER LEAGUE

#1. Eric Gordon is scared of me. (I'll explain later in greater detail in a full fledged post devoted to the subject.)

#2. Hasheem Thabeet is terrible. He is not just raw. He is not just unpolished. He is flat out atrocious. I came into the league fully expecting to see some hang-ups in his offensive game, but to make up for some of the offensive difficulties on the defensive side of the ball; he didn't. In the first five possessions I witnessed the Spurs Ian Mahimi attack Thabeet to the tune of 8pts on 4-5 shooting; Thabeet also had 2 fouls in that 2 minute stretch. I left after that, but checked the box score the next morning only to find that he had something in the ballpark of 10 fouls 7pts in like 28 minutes. The drafting of Thabeet second overall is just one of the many reasons why Chris Wallace is the best GM in basketball.

#3. Sam Cassell is going to be twice as entertaining as a coach than he was as a player.

This video first gave me some sort of inkling of how amazing he could be as a coach, but that was only a glimmer compared to his summer league coaching performance. After witnessing Sam; yell at his players for no apparent reason, make incredibly strange noises while being nothing more than E.T.-esque cheerleader, and jump around on the sidelines more than he did for the Celtics 07-08 Championship season I am sold. I am sold on the idea that, hands down, if hired he would automatically become the most entertaining coach in the NBA.

#4. This is the only setting that the Warriors/Don Nelson's quirky 100% offense 0% defense strategy will actually work. Every year his summer league team is the talk of the town. Plus! every year they have a player go bezerk and stand head and shoulders above the competition whether it be Marco Bellineli, Anthony Randolph, or Anthony Morrow only to fade away by training camp.

#5. The Phoenix Suns fielding a summer league team not of future NBA, but brothers of future NBA stars with crappy hair cuts (i.e. Taylor Griffin and Robin Lopez.) (Kevin Durant's older brother played for the Thunder in the summer league but Steve Kerr didn't think his hair cut was up to snuff, so the Suns failed to sign him.)

Is it Just Me or is it....

strange that ESPN has yet to report anything on the Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault case. This story has been around for a couple of days now and ESPN hasn't reported ANYTHING on the situation. I'm not going to post anything on the accusations, because I am not well informed enough to do so, but it's mainly because I really don't care.


Tangent#1: Does that really look like a face of someone who could actually perform these claims:

"She claims that, as she tried to leave the room, Roethlisberger blocked her path, and that he "grabbed [her] and started to kiss her."

She claims that she was "shocked and stunned that this previously friendly man, that appeared to be a gentleman in her previous contacts with him was suddenly preventing her from leaving, was assaulting and battering her."

McNulty admits that she didn't try to fight Roethlisberger, citing his size and strength. She claims that she "communicated her objection and lack of consent," and that he nevertheless began "fondling [her] through her dress and between her legs."

She claims that he pushed her onto the bed, and despite her alleged protests he "pulled her underpants off and proceeded to penetrate her."

A Nice Piece of Marketing

Black Wednesday

Today is the one day out of the year where there are no professional sporting events. There are however four WNBA games scheduled.

Tangent#1: I google imaged searched "black" and this is the first picture that popped up. I don't understand this picture, its caption, or what it has to do with "black" (is it because he is wearing black speedos?) I don't even know why i posted this; its not even a funny picture.

Tom Brady is a Real Stand-up Guy

Meet Dennis Paiva. He is a simple man. Blue collar in every sense of the word. He enjoys a good scotch, but modest as he is he rarely drinks. He enjoys the feeling of a warm New England afternoon against his skin, digging through garbage, holding signs, yet he is not a transient. In his younger days he made his fair share of mistakes--drinking soda or other caffeinated beverages after ten, brushing his teeth right after drinking orange juice (the acidity really weakened the enamel of his teeth) wearing white after labor day and oh yeah, he robbed a bank. But thats in Dennis Paiva's past and we have all moved on, just like Manny has.


Meet Tom don't act like you already know him. He is hawtt!!! He likes goats, football, makes $30 million dollars a year, wears the number 12, and loves "The Color Purple." Tom is unabashed, enjoys the warm feeling of the lime light, and royally butt fucking the little guy. In 2007, Tom in an attempt to prove his legitimacy in the quarterback pantheon and squelch his critics claims that he was a "system" QB who road the coattails of Bill Belicheck's defensive signal intercepting genius, decided to blow his steamy load of New England clam chowder all over the proverbial chests of his competitors. Mr Brady did this by unnecessarily running up scores and literally rubbing his self-proclaimed rose scented feces into his adversaries faces on the gridiron.

Enough background rant on Tom because we all know Tom is a terrible person, a terrible person whose estate accidentally threw away $8000 worth of "Belgian flower boxes" and is suing Mr. Paiva for taking them out of his garbage. (Tangent#1: I have no idea what a Belgian flower box is and am afraid to Google "Belgian flower box." I'm about 80% sure that a "Belgian flower box" is some item of pottery used in gardening. The other 20% of my subconcious hopes/prays that they are some sort of ungodly Flemish boy's orifice stuffed with daisies.) These "Belgian flower boxes" were found by Mr. Paiva on his daily trash digging sessions for valuables/scrap metal in/near the trash of Mr. Brady's upscale home in the greater Boston area. According to Brady's Estate these pots were not trash, but were accidentally placed near the trash by the men delivering the pots.

Mr. Paiva was identified by surveillance footage taken at the Brady's residence. Fearing his past record as a bank robber, Paiva agreed to plee deal with the Boston Municipal Court which ordered him pay $4,000 in restitution to Brady’s realty trust. Mr. Paiva, however, is unable to make the $333.33 monthly payment to Brady's estate because he is physically unable to work. Mr Paiva has had a recent string of bad luck. Within the last year Dennis has had a brain aneurysm, back surgery, and has been caught stealing from an NFL icon's garbage. Unable to work Dennis has resorted to what every other bum does-- holding a sign on the side of the freewaypan asking for money. I am no advocate for larceny/trash digging/panhandling/begging/sign holding, but this guy has a descent excuse.

After hearing about the plight of an ex-con, panhandling to re-pay $4000 to the Patriots' quarterback, a kind businessman has volunteered to pay the debt on his behalf—keeping Tom Brady blissfully unaware that anything has gone wrong. Sadly, I am not surprised, by Brady's actions or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure he'll never be aware of the situation because he is too busy going on vacations with his super model wife Gisele Bundchen, rubbing his feces into inferior teams faces, and being super hawtt! At least Mr. Paiva's story ends somewhat nicely and Tom Brady remains a giant douche.

NBA Look-a-likes

Backstory: This all started with the Pistons hiring of former Cavaliers assistant coach John Kuester, over Avery Johnson (pictured below.)

I'm very disappointed that the Pistons didn't hire Avery (not because it was a great opportunity both the Piston organization and Avery) but because now I have to hear Mr. Johnson as an analyst on ESPN for another year. Anyway, I got to thinking and I really noticed that Avery Johnson looks strikingly similar to that little creature that sits at the giant slug tail of Jaba the Hutt in Star Wars. This creature, who I later found out is named Salicious B. Crumb, not only looks like Mr. Johnson, but acts like him, laughs like him, and is also just as annoying. I did some researching and Avery kinda looks like Salacious, but I found that there were a lot better NBA look-a-likes out there.

1. Avery Johnson/Salacious Crumb/Stephen Jackson


2. Sticking with the creature/alien/ugly as hell theme. NBA analyst/NBA great Reggie Miller and Quark from Star Trek Deep Space 9 have striking similarities.



3. That creates some what of a nice segway. NBA analyst and former Coach Jeff Van Gundy/Sam Eagle/Weirdo Subway Ghost who can move objects via the movie "Ghost" could be brothers/related to Larry from the 3 the Stooges.




4. On the note of NBA coaches. This past season Phil Jackson had a striking resemblance to Colonel Sanders.




5. Speaking of fried chicken, lets move onto the active players. I prefer to have these look-a-likes not look like an actual people, but rather compare these NBAers to creature/aliens/things but these next few were too obvious. So here are some human to human comparisions. Kevin Eubanks of Jay Leno fame and NBA journeyman Chucky Atkins.


Jason Richardson & Michael Irvin



Kenyon Martin and Method Man



6. I can't understand how the NBA doesn't follow the example of Little League/Stanford Basketball and make it mandatory, that if an NBA teams selects one player of a set of twins they are forced to acquire their sibling. Pictured Below: Stanford Alum The Collins/Lopez Twins




7. Moving on to politics. Scottie Pippen and Osama could be brothers, and hell forget about your real brother Taylor, Blake I think NY Governor David Patterson might be a better match.


8. While we are on the subject of rookies and even though he really isn't in the NBA yet. Ricky Rubio has a striking resemblance, to Mr. Potter.

9. Speaking of Harry Potter here is a whole slew of NBA look-a-likes from the aforementioned novel, taken from thoughtsfromthejockstrap.blogspot.com

Albus Dumbledore – Gregg Popovich

I have to admit that the beard Popovich grew this year was a big plus when it came to casting this role. His white hair and beard set make him a shoe-in for Dumbledore. Throw in his desire to coach and teach others and his intellectual nature and how could I use anyone else? As far as I know Popovich is not a homosexual so he might balk at that little morsel, but if Jake Gyllenhaal and the late Heath Ledger could get over their manliness to gay up the big screen on Brokeback Mountain then I’m sure Popovich could make the jump. “I wish I knew how to quit you, Tim Duncan?” My only advice to him, if he turns out to be a method actor, is to stay away from the boy’s wing of the Gryffindor dormitory if he knows what’s good for him.

Lord Voldemort - Mike Dunleavy Jr.

Who would have thought that Mike Dunleavy Jr. would have been good for anything other than being a gigantic douche? Well from the looks of this picture it seems that Dunleavy's talents run deeper than I first thought. It seems he is kind of in love with his long flowing hair-do so he might be against shaving his head, but if his only other choice is sucking it up on the basketball court for 15-20 minutes a night he might be persuaded to become the wizard world's version of the Prince of Darkness. He might as well shave it because if you've seen his dad roaming the sidelines for various NBA franchises it looks like Mike Jr's love affair with his hair will be short lived.

Supporting Roles

Dobby the House Elf - Steve Blake

10. What NBA look-a-like list cannot be complete without Sam, just looking like a alien in general.




I'm sure there will be a pt. 2 to this, but thats all for now.

I Can't Help but Post This

I've intentionally been trying to abstain from blogging about the Lakers' acquisition of Ron-Ron and the death of Michael Jackson, but upon my discovery of this wonderful musical tribute I can no longer prevent myself from indulging. Just when I thought I couldn't bear to see/read/hear another tribute/memorial coverage/or custody update on MJ, my precious little TruWarier gave the whole world this sweet little morsel of "true" musical genius. Words cannot explain how moving this piece is, so I'll keep it short and let the Ron-Ron serenade you.

"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?"

P.S. I am so happy Ron Artest is in Los Angeles now. I cannot wait to be hoodalized.

LAUSD Say Hello To Austria GAY TV!

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-lausd-bruno30-2009jun30,0,4239212.story

Who said a recession, budget crisis, and failing school districts can't be fun? Sasha Baron Cohen sure doesn't think so. In a plug for his new movie Sasha Baron Cohen as his character Brűno literally tackles these “fun” subjects/students in a recent GQ cover shoot (shown below) with the Birmingham High School football team.

Times are tough for everyone in California, however, California's educators and student may have it the toughest. Due to massive budget cuts programs have been slashed, teachers fired, and entire schools closed throughout California and the LAUSD (I don't know why I'm telling you this I'm sure you haven't been living under a rock.) Sadly, those in the biggest need for a laugh, seem as if they don't “get” Cohen's joke; well at least the bureaucrats don't. In a recent LA times article LAUSD Superintendent Ramon C. Cortines claimed that the photo stunt may have endanger the Birmingham High School's chances of converting to a charter school next year. Cortines is quoted as saying, “This recent GQ thing has not helped matters. We've allowed our students to be used, and not in the most glamorous circumstances, either.” Are you kidding me? Who was hurt or used? I guarantee you none of the kids were physically or emotionally harmed, they most likely got a good giggle out of the experience and were glad to be pictured in GQ. Kids these days are savvy little fucks and were probably fully aware of what was going on. The students were most likely giddy as fuck, I mean what 15-17 year old male has not seen “Borat” or “Da Ali G Show” and would gladly have Brűno's balls in their faces for afternoon to have a chance to be apart of his new movie? (ok, maybe not the last part, I would though.) The players probably couldn't believe that their principal and Athletic Director were so easily fooled, thats who was used/fooled not the kids and thats why the LAUSD is trying to save face, because they have a bunch of retards in charge.

I'm sure everyone involved, Principal, AD, Head Coach, and players were all rushed through various forms, waivers, and bits of paper work detailing the use of their “likeness” just as all of Baron Cohen's other co-stars in his first film “Borat” were. i.e. those South Carolina fraternity brothers were in “Borat.” Here is a nice article from one of the Feminist Panelist from “Borat” detailing the experience.

As for the Mr. Cortines, the superintendent for LAUSD, he needs to lighten up. This is great publicity for a public school looking to become a charter. This coverage, as embarrassing as it may be for them, would most likely help their attendance at Birmingham and increase awareness in the community, thus increasing the funds, through California's average daily attendance laws (ADA) and parental involvement. It's a win-win in my book and as for Mr. Cortines... he needs to pull the giant black double sided dildo out of both his orbital sockets to see that its good for everyone.

Anyway he is some enjoyable Sacha Baron Cohen material:

Tangent #1: Wonderful Bruno Interview for GQ

Personal Highlights:

Dear Brüno, when I walk into a fancy designer-clothing store, the sales clerks are brusque and intimidate me. Is there anything I can do to be treated better?
You sound like ein “normie” to me—I’m glad zat high-end stores are trying to keep ze likes of you avay. Vhen I go to a store, ze first thing I look for ist ein vheelchair ramp—if zey’ve got one, I won’t go in. Ich find zose mongoloidische guys such a downer.

Dear Brüno, my wedding is approaching and I am desperate to impress my bride. What is appropriate groom’s attire for a Labor Day nuptial?
If Brüno vas about to be married to a voman, I’d be vearing a noose.

Tangent#2: Two of my favorite clips from “Da Ali G Show”

Apparently the Naked Korean in the Hangover is a Doctor

Ken Jeong is an American actor of Korean descent, or should I say an "Apa-tor" (a self-coined term referencing an actor/actress who continually appears in Judd Apatow/Judd Apatow-esque movies. i.e. Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, etc.) On top of being a recurring player in these films Ken Jeong also has a side job. Apparently Ken is a Medical Doctor.



In his latest installment, "The Hangover" Dr. Jeong plays a curiously androgynous/metrosexual Asian mobster. In his opening scene Dr. Jeong is found in the trunk of the three main character's retrieved stolen vehicle. Upon his discovery in the trunk, Dr. Jeong attacks the three protagonists with a tire iron, oh by the way Dr. Jeong was completely nude. The scene lasts a good minute and is loaded with male full frontal, showcasing Dr.Ken's asian nub swimming in a sea of Korean pubes.

Tangent #1: Dr. Jeong's nub

Dr. Ken's nub reminded me of another Ken's nub, it was very similar in numerous ways just minus the thicket of curly qs.)

Tangent #2: I google image searched nub and this is what came up, a cigar nub, very similar in size to Dr. Ken's

(I just want to clarify that Under Siege 2 is a PG13 blog and all google image searches are done with the Safe Search feature on. But hopefully if you have yet to see the movie, or better yet if you have already seen the movie and were unable to make out the size of Ken's penis this image gives you a fair guestimation.)

I wish my doctor had the intestinal fortitude to show his circumcised Jewish penis in a major motion picture. Speaking of which, the medical profession must be coming up on tough times too if physicians now have to resort to acting and full frontal nudity to make a quick buck. How ironic though, just think about it. When times were good you, I, and the common man/woman had to expose ourselves to the physicians, so that they could again earn a quick buck, feel good, and laugh at you/your nub(s). But, now with the economy on the side of the common man it has leveled the playing field! oh well at least one good thing has come from this recession.