Meet Dennis Paiva. He is a simple man. Blue collar in every sense of the word. He enjoys a good scotch, but modest as he is he rarely drinks. He enjoys the feeling of a warm New England afternoon against his skin, digging through garbage, holding signs, yet he is not a transient. In his younger days he made his fair share of mistakes--drinking soda or other caffeinated beverages after ten, brushing his teeth right after drinking orange juice (the acidity really weakened the enamel of his teeth) wearing white after labor day and oh yeah, he robbed a bank. But thats in Dennis Paiva's past and we have all moved on, just like Manny has.
Meet Tom don't act like you already know him. He is hawtt!!! He likes goats, football, makes $30 million dollars a year, wears the number 12, and loves "The Color Purple." Tom is unabashed, enjoys the warm feeling of the lime light, and royally butt fucking the little guy. In 2007, Tom in an attempt to prove his legitimacy in the quarterback pantheon and squelch his critics claims that he was a "system" QB who road the coattails of Bill Belicheck's defensive signal intercepting genius, decided to blow his steamy load of New England clam chowder all over the proverbial chests of his competitors. Mr Brady did this by unnecessarily running up scores and literally rubbing his self-proclaimed rose scented feces into his adversaries faces on the gridiron.
Enough background rant on Tom because we all know Tom is a terrible person, a terrible person whose estate accidentally threw away $8000 worth of "Belgian flower boxes" and is suing Mr. Paiva for taking them out of his garbage. (Tangent#1: I have no idea what a Belgian flower box is and am afraid to Google "Belgian flower box." I'm about 80% sure that a "Belgian flower box" is some item of pottery used in gardening. The other 20% of my subconcious hopes/prays that they are some sort of ungodly Flemish boy's orifice stuffed with daisies.) These "Belgian flower boxes" were found by Mr. Paiva on his daily trash digging sessions for valuables/scrap metal in/near the trash of Mr. Brady's upscale home in the greater Boston area. According to Brady's Estate these pots were not trash, but were accidentally placed near the trash by the men delivering the pots.
Mr. Paiva was identified by surveillance footage taken at the Brady's residence. Fearing his past record as a bank robber, Paiva agreed to plee deal with the Boston Municipal Court which ordered him pay $4,000 in restitution to Brady’s realty trust. Mr. Paiva, however, is unable to make the $333.33 monthly payment to Brady's estate because he is physically unable to work. Mr Paiva has had a recent string of bad luck. Within the last year Dennis has had a brain aneurysm, back surgery, and has been caught stealing from an NFL icon's garbage. Unable to work Dennis has resorted to what every other bum does-- holding a sign on the side of the freewaypan asking for money. I am no advocate for larceny/trash digging/panhandling/begging/sign holding, but this guy has a descent excuse.
After hearing about the plight of an ex-con, panhandling to re-pay $4000 to the Patriots' quarterback, a kind businessman has volunteered to pay the debt on his behalf—keeping Tom Brady blissfully unaware that anything has gone wrong. Sadly, I am not surprised, by Brady's actions or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure he'll never be aware of the situation because he is too busy going on vacations with his super model wife Gisele Bundchen, rubbing his feces into inferior teams faces, and being super hawtt! At least Mr. Paiva's story ends somewhat nicely and Tom Brady remains a giant douche.
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